John, a 60-year-old man, took a DNA test—given to him by his wife—after the death of his father in 2022. It was through this test that he discovered this life-changing revelation. This test brought generations of family secrets to the surface. It opened the door for reconnection with his half-siblings, opening up a whole cascade of complicated emotions and responses.
John was raised as what he called “perversely lucky” to have family history where his parents were already deceased. This immunity insulated him from much of the wrath that could have confronted him. Yet even with all of this relief, the reunion with his half-siblings did not go as he had imagined. Instead, the majority of them just shut him out entirely. One of his brothers even responded with anger when he reached out.
“It completely upended everything I thought I knew,” – John
The majority of his half-siblings ostracized him. Yet through the sharing of vital medical history, we learned not only about their shared heartbeat but the intricacies of their family dynamics uncovered through DNA testing. For John, companies who provide these tests have a responsibility to educate consumers on the likelihood of painful results.
“In this day and age, you get warned about the salt level in your bacon… but people [can get] their whole lives [and] mental health blown apart,” – John
John’s story is similar to that of Chrissie from Surrey, who recently met her sister Jennifer after being separated for 74 years. Jennifer had been illegally adopted out against her will. That separation opened up years of completely different life experiences for both women. Surprisingly, their reunion was a happy one, but in the end they cut off contact with each other again.
Chrissie shared that their day-to-day lives are “really really different.” She emphasized the emotional trauma that families suffer when kept apart for such long periods. As the thrill of coming home set in, those bittersweet memories transitioned to highlights of what made their diverging journeys special.
Kelly, one of our mutual contacts, was instrumental in getting Chrissie and Jennifer reconnected. She eventually located Jennifer and arranged their phone call. Their story illustrates just how difficult, if not impossible, tracing family history can be. More than anything, it brings to light the emotional toll this journey can have on people.
“Hold on to your dreams, never stop looking,” – Chrissie
Mike Hancock, a professional genealogist, admitted that family tracing can be very complex. As Dr. Tim James pointed out, many family secrets are buried deep, so this process can be full of snares and surprises.
John warned about the idealized depiction of family tracing usually seen on TV and in genealogy advertisements. He chided that these stories often tend to gloss over the fact that everything doesn’t always go well.
“[TV programmes] and genealogy companies drive this theory that every outcome is good,” – John
As he said, many people have the preconceived notion that they’re going to find a heroic ancestor or some great historical person. Instead, they often must confront painful realities that can be emotionally jarring.
