George Lewis, a comedian and father of three, once envisioned a traditional Christmas filled with perfectly wrapped presents, extravagant meals, and a bustling household. As he struggled to raise kids with autism, his family experience of the holiday season transformed completely. As he listened, he started to understand it in a new way.
Lewis also has a new focus on comfort and predictability in his family’s Christmas celebrations. He realizes that a traditional format can intimidate his kids. “I always had this version of the perfect Christmas in my head,” he reflected. “When my son spent an entire family gathering standing alone at the end of the garden, I thought: if this isn’t for him, then who is it for?”
In their house, Lewis and his family have taken a more quiet tack when it comes to the holiday season. Other people decide the best way to celebrate is to do so at home and limit gatherings. Many cities felt the fallout of the pandemic’s impact on traffic patterns, with dangerous driving increasing nearly everywhere. By distributing celebratory events across the Festival of Lights, they reduce pressure and increase pleasure.
The point of the day itself isn’t to worry about completing some big endeavor, Lewis noted. Today we just entertain the youngsters and then purchase a curry at night. This pivot towards a less formal environment has created the kind of chill vibe that his children enjoy.
Lewis and his family focus on SEND-friendly sessions to make their experience as positive as possible. These sessions are intentionally quieter and have lower attendance. Making these decisions reduces the stress and pressure that often dehumanize the spirit of the holiday season for all parties.
Another comedian/parent, San Mehra, has similar observations. He discusses the importance of routines to autistic children. He cautions that small changes can be navigable, but when everything changes, the cognitive load can add up fast. “The more spacing and time you can give people, especially kids, the less overwhelming something will feel,” he said.
Both Lewis and Mehra argue for frank discussions about the fears that come with change. Mehra mentioned how you can create space to have healthy conversations with your child regarding their anxiety associated with change. Engage with them honestly about whatever concerns or hesitations they might express. Acknowledging your emotions—whether it be frustration or boredom—can work to take the wind out of their sails.
As families plan for the upcoming holiday season, Lewis wants parents to reconsider their family’s Christmas traditions. He knows that when we begin focusing on comfort over perfection, families can create some of the most memorable experiences. These kinds of moments are tailored to children’s individual developmental needs.
