Then in August 2020, tired and beaten down from years of woes, Camilla decided it was time to pack it in and return to Germany. She had always celebrated her German heritage. What’s even more important is how her time in the U.S. has deeply influenced her perspective and being. Now, returned to her homeland, she looks back on her American years with an admixture of wistfulness and chagrin.
In these years, Camilla learned about the political tensions that divided the United States. And yet she wasn’t feeling this despair that everyone was saying they were feeling. Then she enrolled in a national movement to rebuild the child welfare system as a whole. Through this experience, she was able to engage with her community and advocate for real change.
Though made to feel unwelcome, adapting to life in America wasn’t without complication. Camilla had a difficult time adjusting to American culture. Her blunt, to-the-point style of direct German communication definitely collided with the niceties of touchy-feely small talk expected in the U.S. She recalls, “I felt obliged to have to answer that question. It was just, ‘Hello.’ So that took me a long time to adjust to. Realizing that that doesn’t mean they really want to know how I’m doing.”
In order to provide for her and her two kids, Rafael and Jordana, Camilla accepted a full-time position in California. This transition was the first big step for her as a single mom. She was amazed by the support from her friends, who enveloped her in love during this difficult period. Beyond her incredible accomplishments, she inspired an ethos of community engagement and service across all areas of America. In retrospect, she finds that Germany was a much more isolating place.
Camilla had once considered her relocation to the United States an enriching experience. She took every opportunity to learn, including the opportunity to go to junior college, in turn growing her repertoire and self-assurance. Reflecting on her time there, she noted how much she learned about herself: “I learned that it’s no big deal when you spill the milk.” Through her experiences, she was pushed to realize that she was capable of so much more than she could ever have pictured for herself.
Camilla never quite felt welcomed or accepted in Germany. As a young girl, she had dreams of living and working overseas. She yearned for that exciting feeling of freedom and adventure that America had to offer. She finally became a U.S. citizen in 2000 and dreamed of unlimited opportunities on the American continent.
Going back to Germany, Camilla found that she had missed quite a bit while she was away. “Huge, huge changes. I really don’t even recognize this country anymore…” she lamented. Though she used to be deeply rooted in the South, today she finds herself struggling with the sense that she no longer belongs.
The gulf between cultures when she returned has only deepened, for Camilla. She longs for what she calls the “pioneer spirit” and the “friendly American way” of life. “American culture and people are the most wonderful there is in this world,” she stated, expressing her fondness for the openness and warmth she encountered in California.
To make the situation even harder, Camilla’s children live in Germany as a result of their work, deepening her regret about moving back. As a mom, she understands how important it is to find a balance between raising and caring for her kids and pursuing her own passions. “You should never make your children, your adult children, the center of your life,” she advised.
The lame, boring, overly bureaucratic feelings that a lot of Germans lament about their own country have not gone unnoticed by Camilla. “Everything’s broken,” she said, a little incredulous at the extent to which things aren’t working here. People are so angst-ridden here, and it spills out in their interactions,” she noticed. She’s experiencing this emotion in the truest sense, as she adjusts to life returning to Germany. From her side of the aisle, it has only gotten worse.
