Laura, a heroic single mom of four kids under the age of 11. She’s been courageous to share her painful journey into CPR with all of us. Even with her oldest two kids doing well in school, Laura says she can encounter “extreme rage” from her younger children at the most unexpected times. She described horrifying episodes where her children would physically run at her with knives and scissors. Each of these experiences made her feel horrified and ashamed to be preyed upon by the ones she loves the most.
Child-to-parent aggression is an issue that is gaining currency. As a result, organizations like Capa First Response are seeing a stark increase of referrals on this matter. From humble beginnings since its founding in 2020, the Sussex-based group has seen a remarkable expansion. It now averages 40 monthly referrals, a reflection of the growing number of families who are learning about this critical niche. Jane Griffiths, CEO of Capa First Response, noted that referrals have surged by 500% over the past five years, reflecting an increasing awareness that “people now have a name for it: child to parent aggression.”
Laura’s struggles are all too familiar to parents up and down the UK. She shared examples of behaviors that swelled into days-long violent outbursts lasting more than an hour. “I’ve been yelled at, spat upon, physically assaulted–had my hair pulled out by the root, bitten,” she shared. Marie Gentles, an independent educational consultant and behavior adviser, establishes the vicious cycle centers on children’s unfulfilled needs. It points to the depth of unhealthy or ineffective coping mechanisms they have. Gentles shone light on how child-to-parent aggression is “rarely about the anger,” but a greater, layered element of emotions and needs.
Helen Genty, who runs Kith’n’Kin support groups in Tonbridge, Kent, said the strain on parents and children was enormous. She noted that extreme forms of stress can place our nervous systems on high alert. As a direct consequence of threats to one’s survival, people can suddenly switch over into fight mode. This highlights the need to offer more comprehensive help to families struggling with aggression in their households.
Det Supt Dave Higham from Kent Police affirmed that law enforcement collaborates closely with social services to safeguard all parties involved when incidents are reported. His message was for parents to call on others for help because it can be hard to navigate through these issues alone. Laura particularly related to this idea. She was courageous enough to ask for the help and as a result found so many amazing resources and gems.
“The more I’ve reached out the more capable I’ve felt. I can’t control [my kids’] behavior but I can now control my behavior.” – Laura
These advocates can play an absolutely crucial role in enhancing responses to such child-to-parent abuse, and community organizations should be supported in their efforts. A Home Office spokesperson echoed our view, stating that prevention and early intervention were key to tackling the problem.
Supt Michelle Palmer-Harris of Sussex Police added it was really important to report incidences or worries. She noted that such actions do not always lead to criminal proceedings but enable authorities to provide necessary support:
“Police, social services and the dedicated community organisations focused on this issue are there to support you.” – Sussex Police Supt Michelle Palmer-Harris
As an increasing number of families like Laura’s face the issues associated with child-to-parent aggression, the understanding of this behavior and supportive resources are still developing. Essential to increasing parents’ wellbeing is encouraging them to ask for help and connecting them to resources to help them overcome the unique complexities they face.
