As the world comes out of the COVID-19 pandemic, many people have recently experienced a sudden change in their social landscape. Psychologist Dr. Marisa Franco, author of Platonic, stresses that more and more of us are just outright ghosting our friends. This trend should be alarming especially in these chaotic times. As stages of life shift, relationships usually change as well, which can leave some people feeling estranged or isolated from those they were once closest to.
Claire, an emerging millennial professional, hopes to find that diverse, eclectic network of friends. She’s resolved not to insulate herself exclusively with those who are familiar with the “new her.” This sentiment is familiar to millions who, like Catherine, have gone through profound transformations in their work and home life since the pandemic started.
According to psychologist Julia Samuels, the key to maintaining friendships lies in embracing the messiness of life rather than waiting for perfect moments. Her advice is as simple as it is profound—love your friends for who they are. Rather than aiming for idyllic social conditions, she says, we should focus on real social life. This process creates deeper relationships and can begin to heal the divides that have been created over the years.
Claire’s story serves as a compelling reminder of how critical openness and honesty is in any friendship. Tired of feeling excluded when she wasn’t invited to happy hours or social events, she got creative. She emailed her old friend to catch up. This act of vulnerability served to not only reaffirm their friendship but emphasized the importance of direct peer-to-peer dialogue.
Dolly Alderton, a noted author, explains that friendships often become “the easiest place for collateral damage,” impacting both men and women as they navigate adult life. Some research has suggested that about half of all friendships evaporate every seven years. This is why it’s so important for people to intentionally invest in and build their networks.
As a social entrepreneur, Dr. Franco challenges people to reframe how they view social gatherings. He encourages them to imagine the satisfaction their future selves will get after having a good time with their pals. This hopeful perspective is a powerful antidote to the fear and reluctance many of us feel when we consider reaching out and reconnecting. In her view, using a text message or voice note can serve as an effective initial olive branch to revive a relationship.
Claire suggests that “organised fun,” such as book clubs or pottery classes, can alleviate the stress typically associated with hosting gatherings. Through predictable structure, these activities promote social engagement while reducing the stress that often comes from social interaction.
Plus, Claire and her pals learned that filling time with simple, yet necessary chores, like cleaning up together, can strengthen their friendships. She adds that the further in advance an event is scheduled, the more likely it is to go forward. Among other benefits, this approach allows alumni to avoid the phenomena of ‘relationship decay.’
Dr. Franco calls the erosion of these deeper platonic connections “relational loneliness,” which is becoming more prevalent in our fast-paced society. Friendships die as people grow more focused on their home and career lives. People like Samuels and Franco encourage people to take the leap of faith that you’re actually more popular than you assume. They help to take the scare out of risk by encouraging individuals to connect.
