Han Tae-soon is an unstoppable 73-year-old force of nature from Cheongju, South Korea. She’s been on the warpath ever since her daughter Kyung-ha disappeared in 1975. The tragic event happened on one fateful day when Han had left her daughter with friends while she went to the local market. When Kyung-ha disappeared at the age of four, her parents were devastated. A woman allegedly abducted her and dropped her off at the local train station. Decades later, though, Han still lives with the emotional wounds. Third, he is deeply committed to challenging the systemic realities behind wrongful adoptions in South Korea.
In October, Han made a courageous decision and sued the South Korean government, the orphanage, and Holt Children’s Services. She went on to become one of the first known Korean birthmothers to file for damages for her daughter’s wrongful adoption. She says she expects to find relief by winning this lawsuit. She is fighting for the recognition of suffering she has lived with for almost 50 years.
Kyung-ha, now Laurie Bender, has made her home in America. Their emotional reunion was tinged with joy and sadness, each woman forced to reckon with the decades that Han would have otherwise spent living free. Mother and daughter alike are only beginning to grapple with the tumultuous feelings surrounding their abrupt separation. On top of this dynamic, cultural and linguistic barriers further complicate their relationship.
A Life Shaped by Loss
Even as she describes what happened that fateful day, she remembers the sound of her daughter’s laughter as she romped on their front lawn in Cheongju in 1975. One of those things I’ve always remembered that has stayed clear all these years, perhaps because it was eclipsed by some of the tragedy that came after.
That momentous day, Han had left Kyung-ha with friends so he could round up supplies at the local market. Little did she know that as this was happening, this would be the last time she would hold her daughter for almost ten years. Han is convinced a woman lured Kyung-ha off from her friends. This duplicitous move had brought Kyung-ha to the Jecheon train station, leaving her high and dry.
“I thought she might have been taken in by a childless couple within Korea or, if she was alive, living somewhere in the country,” – Han Tae-soon
For decades, Han sought these answers, languishing with the fear of the possible and the hopelessness of the unfulfilled. Her unwavering love for Kyung-ha propelled her to continue looking for her missing daughter, despite the emotional toll it took on her life.
The Fight for Justice
Over the past few months, Han’s pursuit of justice grew more urgent. She led the charge by suing the South Korean government. She sued Holt Children’s Services and the orphanage that oversaw her daughter’s adoption process. Han is an unapologetic warrior for acknowledgement of the hurt that families like hers have suffered. In taking this action, she hopes that her actions can lead to a broader conversation regarding the systemic injustices of adoption practices in Korea.
“I want to reveal the truth. Why? Because the government stole children and sold them,” – Han Tae-soon
Han’s focus shows the joining birth parent movement in South Korea that have experienced same loss. Many others feel that their voices have been snuffed out for too long. They’ve taken to suing the socks off anybody who had a hand in their kids’ adoptions.
“The government needs to acknowledge its wrongdoing and apologize properly,” – Han Tae-soon
Han has been fighting tooth and nail in this legal slug fest. She envisions a just resolution that would provide her with answers and healing, and inspire systemic reform in the adoption process.
Reconnection and Understanding
Laurie Bender’s return to South Korea marked a significant milestone in both her and Han’s lives. The reunion provided space for serious introspection, as they faced the history they share while recognizing the fight moving forward. To make matters worse, a language barrier has made their communication difficult, but Bender’s presence has rekindled Han’s hope.
“When I first met my mother, she cried and told me she had nothing to do with my adoption… My father got down on his knees and apologized. He told me he had nothing to do with it either,” – Marianne Ok Nielsen
Bender said they felt themself become lost for words because the depth of their thought in English couldn’t be translated into Native language.
“The intimacy of being able to speak to my mom is completely gone. So that is what is a big, big loss for me… My human rights have been completely violated,” – Marianne Ok Nielsen
This emotional back and forth serves only to complicate their already difficult relationship. Now it’s undoubtedly shaped by love, but I think it’s weighed down by ingrained cultural and systemic factors.
At the June planning meetings, Bender has worked to cross this divide, often by buying things that represent their intense connection. She purchased the shoes that Han had picked out for her while growing up. These shoes became a powerful symbol of their stolen time together.
